After doing eBay for three years, I have met some really nice people but then again, I have met some real lunatics. I feel like I have heard every excuse under the sun for not paying, and I want to share some of those excuses with you for your entertainment. I guarantee these are all genuine excuses (genuine as in they were really used by non-payers and not invented by me), and all of them eventually paid up under threat of negative feedback.

Number One: "I didn't bid. My dog did. He must have hit the keyboard by mistake"

My response: "So let me get this right? Your dog logged onto the Internet, went to eBay, found my auction, entered the amount, then typed in your username and password, followed by hitting the "enter" key. Are you honestly saying this is what happened?"

Buyer's response: "Yes, amazing what animals can do isn't it?"

Number Two: "I can't have bid for this - I'm in Russia. They don't have computers in Russia."

My response: "If you're in Russia, where they allegedly don't have computers, what are you using to send this email to me?"

Buyer's response: "Er,...payment is on the way,...sorry!"

Number Three: "I accidently entered the wrong bid amount. I'm a blonde you know"

My response: No response, I was too busy laughing. She eventually paid.

Number Four: "I didn't bid for this book. I am a missionary in Africa and I don't have time to read books as I am too busy doing good acts for starving children. If you don't believe me, you can call me and I will verify where I am..."(He then proceeds to give me a German cellphone number...)

Number Five: "You have the wrong person. I'm totally mad you know. urrrrrrrghhhhhh!!! See, I'm totally nuts! How can I bid if I'm mad?"

Do you have a good excuse a non-payer tried to give? If so, let me know at camelot_de@gmx.de and it could form the basis of a future AuctionBytes article.