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What do you do with a loved-one's possessions after they've passed on? Jan Perry tackles this painful dilemma in a multi-part series. In Part 1, Jan discussed how Online Auctions can be a financial and emotional aid for heirs. Today in Part 2, Jan discusses how to avoid letting guilt tie you to a house filled with things you don't want to keep but just can't let go of.
There's much truth in the saying that a death is harder on the living than it is on the departed. For those left behind, loneliness, sadness and grief are part of every passing. Unfortunately guilt is also all too often a part of the equation and it makes itself felt in many ways.
Guilt is understandable when there is a strained relationship that ends without resolution or when time or distance keeps loved ones from continuing strong family ties or friendships. But one of the most common guilt factors, disposing of the deceased's personal items, is something many people suffer terribly over. The guilt is so strong for some that they just can't do it. Others simply dread the thought of going through the things so much they'd rather keep them than sort them.
Many folks use the "I'll do it later" excuse, thinking that time will make it easier to go through it all, but the truth is it never gets easier so the time never comes. They live the rest of their lives in a crowded jumble - surrounded by things they don't really like but can't bring themselves to get rid of. The thought becomes, "Well, I couldn't bear to see it go last year so how can I let it go now?"
Close friends and family members have always played a major role in the healing process. That's pretty much a universal truth. So if you're the one that's left to sort and sell and you dread the very thought of it - invite people to come help you. As strange as it sounds, if you mix a group of people with some food and a sunny afternoon, you've got a formula that not only makes sorting and sifting through everything easier, but one that takes guilt out of the situation altogether.
If doing it alone will make you feel lonely and miserable - for goodness sake don't do it alone. When a loved one dies, those closest to you want to help. And if you're afraid it seems disrespectful, remember that it isn't a party - it's a celebration of life for the one that's no longer with you. There's no reason why you can't pass along your favorite stories and share memories as you go through the things.
Having a group around will not only make the process less stressful, it will help you make some of the decisions about what to keep, what to donate and what to sell. Especially when there are a number of rooms to go through, having others to help move things and carry boxes is also a relief.
You can also depend on friends to help you decide the best way to sell what you decide should go. In the past, estate sales or auctions allowed families to dispose of everything but without much control over the number of buyers that showed up or the amount an item sold for. All too often the outcomes were disappointing, but there was nothing to be done about it.
Online auctions make it possible for items or even entire households to be shown to millions of potential buyers over a period of a few days or a few weeks, depending on the sales site and seller's preference. And with online auctions, a stormy day or inconvenient location won't keep prospective shoppers from making it to your sale.
Selling online is another thing to let your friends help you with. If you're not comfortable writing descriptions or have no idea how to upload photos onto the web, chances are you have a friend or two that have some experience. Even if you have bought or sold on the Internet, letting your friends help you will again make what is typically a rough time easier to get through.
Part 1, "Online Auctions a Financial and Emotional Aid for Heirs":
http://www.auctionbytes.com/cab/abu/y208/m02/abu0209/s04
Coming up in part three: "What to do when a spouse's unexpected death leaves you "stuff rich, but pocket poor."" You'll find specifics on how to package, price and post items online to at least add financial stability when the rest of your world seems upside down.
Editor's Note: Thanks to everyone who has shared their comments on the AuctionBytes Blog:
http://blog.auctionbytes.com/cgi-bin/blog/blog.pl?/pl/2008/2/1203203368.html
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