The Lighter Side: Decoding Online Auction Listings

dsteiner

In Michael Banks' article "The Lighter Side: Decoding Online Auction Listings", he lists some very funny meanings to frequently used eBay phrases.
For example:

Statement: From an Estate
Meaning: I'm not saying this is old, but I want you to think this is old.

Statement: I have no batteries to test it.
Meaning: I'm too cheap to buy batteries.

Statement: It looks complete, but I don't know if any parts are missing.
Meaning: Several parts are missing, but I don't want to say so. This way, I cover my butt.

Statement: RARE!!!
Meaning: I haven't bothered to look, or I'd have seen that there are 20 more of these up for sale at a tenth of my opening bid.

Statement: Really hard to find
Meaning: There are only three of these up for auction right now.

Statement: Vintage
Meaning: I'm not sure what this means, but everyone else is using it, so I will, too!

Are there any that you'd like to add?

jerrysantiques · Joined: 25 Aug 2002 Posts: 871 Location: Williston, Florida

"near mint contition" = all except for that 1/2" chunk that is missing

"belonged to my great grandmother"= would you believe someone's great grandmother, okay, someones grandmother, okay a mother, oh alright, I bought it last year at Wal-mart and I will be a Great Grandmother someday.
_________________
Jerry Housh
Jerry's Auto Parts
http://stores.ebay.com/Jerrys-Auto-Parts_W0QQsspagenameZMEQ3aFQ3aSTQQtZkm

kjp55 · Joined: 18 Aug 2001 Posts: 1972 Location: East of Rockies

OOP (Out of Print)

A term meaning something that has not been seen on the reprint or re-recorded market. But, if it was at all popular, you can be assured of a re-issue in your lifetime.

AS Is....

Means 'Don't come crying to me if it doesn't work'.

Handling Fee

I know I probably won't get anything for this stuff, so if you're dumb enough to bid I'll get you on the handling fee.

PayPal fee

Heck, why should I pay the fees when I can just pass them on to you?

Buyer's Premium

You get the honor of buying this thing-of-a jig from me. And, with that honor, comes a price.

kimberjingle · Joined: 03 Dec 2002 Posts: 1

ANTIQUE - I saw one of these at my Grandmother's house so it must be old...

MIB - Usually Mint in Box...but may mean - has a box with it that looks like it may or may not have come in...

LOTS OF CHARACTER - it's scratched, dented, chipped and used, but some sucker will still buy it...

PRE-LOVED CONDITION - a very nice way of saying it's been heavily played with and probably broken or missing parts...

ALL SALES FINAL - if I get lucky enough to get rid of this thing-a-ma-jig I sure don't want it back for any reason and I'm keeping your money...

LOOKS GREAT FOR BEING xx YEARS OLD - I've seen better ones, but this one might sell...

ONE OF A KIND or OOAK - there's only a couple of hundred just like it...

HURRY AND BID OR THEY'LL ALL BE GONE - yes, hurry and bid so I can put the others just like it on...

AUTHENTIC - I think this could actually be real thing or so much like it that no one will know...

I hope these will help the ebay newbies out there...I've been "bit" many times by some of these tongue-in-cheek phrases...

Seasoned-Ebayer
Kimberly in Tellico Plains, Tennessee
_________________
ebay ID: kimberjingle

dsteiner · Posted: Tue Dec 03, 2002 3:12 pm Post subject:

Welcome, Kimberjingle.

Great posts, folks! These are good enough for a sequel.

Dave

dschmidt2 · Joined: 03 Dec 2002 Posts: 197

Funky -- it was ugly and hideous when it was produced but it has been years since then and maybe you can be fooled into thinking it's in good taste because it's old
_________________
Donna

shophenrietta · Joined: 10 Jul 2002 Posts: 24

Largish ~ just too lazy to measure it right now

Hefty! ~ it's gonna cost you a fortune for shipping

Found in a box lot ~ this one's folded, creased, and sat upon

AS IS ~ ut oh!

penlady · Joined: 03 Dec 2002 Posts: 6

One of my favorite slanguage bites from eBay is "Mint, except for..."
I was always under the impression that "mint" is "mint"--i.e. perfect, unblemished, unopened, no chips, cracks, dings, fleabites, dogears or even dirt! No foxing, bloxxing or heehaws.

graham · Joined: 25 May 2002 Posts: 76 Location: UK

Oh yes Penlady........

There was an antique ceramic figure of a girl on ebay. It had been broken at the knees and reglued, A part of one finger was missing and her hat was chipped in two places. But other than these minor faults it was in EXCELLENT condition.
_________________
Regards.
Graham.
www.Ceramics-R-Us.co.uk
(Antique British Ceramics Newsletter, E-zine & Archives)

Dejapooh · Joined: 14 Aug 2002 Posts: 12 Location: Thousand Oaks

MINTY - I have NO Idea what this means... Perhaps broken and repaired using toothpaste?

JC · Joined: 15 Feb 2002 Posts: 217

L@@K = You are purchasing this item from a minor.

mbright1 · Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2002 1:14 pm Post subject:

"Untested" - No, I couldn't get it to work.
_________________
I have Flat Fingers... So what's your excuse?
Friends use the Back Door - eDale-Trading.com

penlady · Joined: 03 Dec 2002 Posts: 6

I just received a very funny response from an eBay seller for whom I had a question. The item was listed in a vintage glass category, but I know that repros are being made of depression glass, and photos just don't always show that sort of thing. I asked the seller about the age of the item, or whether she could verify that it was, indeed, "vintage" glass. The reply:
"I don't how old the piece is. I got it at an estate sale from a very old lady. It must be old. But I don't know how old. Hope this helps."
Well, after ROFL, I had to wonder just how old the seller herself was, how, in fact, she defines "old lady," and whether she really thought she was being helpful. I decided that asking whether the item had any manufacturer's mark would be probably too much to ask.

poetswares · Posted: Sat Dec 07, 2002 4:04 pm Post subject:

You all are hysterical, lol! i LOVE these!
Here's my tos one

Please be aware that you are bidding on something that may or may not be a piece of
crap.
After auction ends, I will begin to pester the winning bidder for payment. Payment due
within 5 minutes of auctions end. You will get an email demanding payment every 3
second untill payment is received. We accept Chinese Yen sent by carrier pigeon only.
No normal payment methods accepted.
After payment is received, I will take my sweet time shipping this to you, but it won't
really matter because I will just toss it in an empty box held together by chewing gum
and it will probably arrive in a million pieces. If you expect me to use bubble wrap or
any other type of padding, you are loony.
We usually ship every blue moon, but don't count on it. On occasion, we have been
known to ship the day after Secretary’s Day. If you want this insured, tough tooties. I am
too lazy to fill out an insurance form. And another note, this item may or may not be in
my possession at the present time, as my cousin Phil in Tucson just sent me the picture,
so I have no idea what it actually looks like. Feel free to ask any questions you want,
though I probably won't answer them. Hey, I am too lazy to fill out an insurance form,
you expect me to tire myself out answering questions?
One more note: You may receive a totally different item than the one that is listed here,
because if cousin Phil can't send this to you, I will just throw something else in the box to
send to you.
Happy Bidding!
_________________
Susie

north19thstreet · Joined: 15 Dec 2002 Posts: 1 Location: Philadelphia, PA

Here's one I see from time to time........... Shabby Chic.
This describes any item that has lived in a basement and consequently has lost most of its paint and a leg but Rachel Ashwell has two of them in her hallway!